If Only I Had Known

I know I failed; I carry this weight,

A burden of choices, a cruel twist of fate.

I should have closed the doors of my past,

Before I dreamed of a love that could last.

 

Regret weaves its way through my heart's fragile seams,

Filling my nights, haunting my dreams.

I see now the fear that clouded my view,

The shadows of others cast fear upon you.

 

I brought my traumas, my scars, my despair,

Into a love that deserved tender care.

How I wish I had healed before you appeared,

Before my fears whispered, "Be guarded, not near."

 

I should have waited, let patience unfold,

To see if your love would blossom, bold.

But my fear of rejection, of losing again,

Led me to choices that still cause me pain.

 

 

You are the beauty I cannot forget,

The smile, the eyes, the sweetest silhouette.

In your gaze, I saw a child, carefree,

A vision of joy I wish was with me.

 

I miss the scent of your hair in the breeze,

The warmth of your presence, the calm, the ease.

I miss the nights of holding you close,

The comfort, the peace, the love I miss most.

 

But when you couldn’t commit, I walked away,

Though my soul begged my heart to stay.

You’ll never know how it aches even now,

To bear this grief, to carry this vow.

 

Not a day goes by without thoughts of you,

Of what I destroyed, of what could be true.

I tried to amend, to stand in my shame,

To hold onto love despite the blame.

 

Even when you cast your words like stones,

Called me names and left me alone,

I prayed for you, humbled my pride,

And forgave the wounds I carried inside.

 

Your family’s curses, their words of despair,

I answered with love, a silent prayer.

For even in sorrow, my heart won’t forget,

The love I once held, the joy we met.

 

This pain reminds me of all I’ve lost,

The price I paid, the bitter cost.

Yet it pushes me forward, a lesson to learn,

To be the man I should have been, to yearn.

 

If only I had known what I know now,

Perhaps we'd be together, fulfilling our vow.

But the past is a shadow I cannot erase,

A mirror of love, now lost in its place.